All Images © Kareem Black
Seeing as how I've posted something about 9/11 on or near 9/11 since I began this blog, it would be hard to let the 10 year anniversary go by silently. I saw this contact sheet on Kareem's Tumblr a while ago, and hopefully he doesn't mind me respectfully mooching it for my own purposes. That's a not so flattering shot of me - top row, second in from the left - on September 11th, 2001. We saw the first tower fall right in front of us. We ran. I never understood the concept of real panic or complete surrender before then. That expression on my face pretty much encapsulates how I felt that day and for many weeks and months following. Horrified and totally confused.
So, here we are in 2011. I didn't post this yesterday because I was flying from Edinburgh to London and finally back to Los Angeles after my dear friend Anna's beautiful wedding. (Congrats again buddy!!) If someone had told me on 9/11/01 that in 10 years I'd be on an international flight, married for over five years, and living in LA with a house and a Prius and a bulldog I would've said F*ck Off. But all that happened along with lots of other stuff, too. This country is obviously far from perfect, but I am really grateful for the fact that I'm still here able to make a living taking pictures, able to be married to my husband, hang out with friends and parents, travel to other countries, and have new life experiences.
Today I found out that I didn't book a job I really wanted. I tried super hard to get it, and it just didn't happen for me this time around. Normally, that would be enough to put me in full on cranky pants mode for at least the remainder of the day and possibly carry on into tomorrow. I'm not going to do that though. Instead I'm trying to remember how I felt on this day 10 years ago. It's interesting how memories and feelings such as those are burned on one's brain yet hard to fully access at the same time. I guess that's our way of self preservation, but it is important (at least for me) not to totally ignore that residual anxiety and uncertainty. It makes the bad stuff today seem pretty minor.