Demolition, Nikko
Image © Emily Shur
Being self employed requires real skill in the art of time management. For the past couple of years, I have been simultaneously attempting to pursue a career in commercial photography and art photography. Sometimes, one takes the lead in front of the other, and then I have to hit the brakes and bring the other up to speed. There have been times when my frustration with the commercial/editorial side of things has been so great that I focused on my personal work just to maintain my love of photography. Then, there have been times when I’ve been disheartened by how similar the fine art world seems (in terms of paying dues, working one’s way up the ladder, and everything that comes along with that) to the commercial world, and I wonder if I want to pursue that path.
Lately, I’ve been feeling as though I need (want) to shoot some personal work. It’s been a little while, and I want to continue shooting in Japan. Going to Japan is not cheap, and while 2009 was successful in many ways, finance wasn’t one of them. I make a living as a photographer, so it dawns on me every once in a while that I cannot neglect the money-making side of taking pictures. Shooting personal work is expensive. Scans and retouching are expensive. Printing and framing work for shows is expensive. Reviews are expensive. I don’t think I’ve ever spent so much money on my photography…ever, which is saying a lot because as we all know photography is not an inexpensive passion.
So, yeah, just some things that have been weighing heavily on my little mind lately. I didn’t get into Descubrimientos Madrid, which is actually fine because it makes me feel less guilty spending money on a trip to Japan this year (since I won’t be spending it on a trip to Spain). There’s supposedly always next year or the year after that. Right now, I want to focus a little bit more on my job so that I can then focus a little bit more on my work.
Emily, spot-on, this post. The eternal theme: dividing one’s time and resources, mental, physical, and temporal. There really are just so many hours, and dollars.
In my case the division is among a demanding day job, family responsibilities around a wife and two young children (not a complaint, but a joyful noisy chaotic reality), and the defining passion of my life, making images. In many ways I’m grateful I don’t have the pressure of making my living as a photographer. I’m free to pursue art for art’s sake, and see where this might take me. But against that is the aroma of dilettante that in some minds adheres to photographers like me; and the inevitable tug-of-war among the forces that want a piece of me.
Not self-pity here; I got it good. But I feel your pain, for different reasons. I continue to wish you well, and to enjoy your thoughtful and layered work.